Use your Facebook for GOOD…

27 06 2018

Warning this post (and all it’s comments) is potentially triggerering.

YES, I am doing it again. I am using Facebook to vent about what is private and personal and so should you. What better way to join those trying to change the way we deal with sexual abuse? Not doing so has devastating consequences.

These acts are not rare or hidden from others…how many have relatives that everyone whispers about keeping your children away from? What about confronting them to their face full on!

Sexual abuse is traumatizing, especially when it happens in childhood and can result in symptoms comparable to symptoms from war-related trauma. They can show in MRI’s the effect, it’s like a wilting back of the structures of the brain.

I can tell you from my own personal experience that it skews your ability to function and think normally. I can see the difference in my ability to think as my brain has healed. Many professionals think the disability it causes is permanent.

I keep wanting to believe that it isn’t true, that I HAVE Healed, only to find myself so severally triggered by any lack of understanding or support whenever it comes up that I have to wonder how truly HEALED I am.

I just published a post about letting abusers know they are wrong and they need to stop, and it got very little support. How horribly we resist preventing the victimization of human beings!!!

When I was sexually abused as a 9-year-old child, He was 16 and I was guilty. I was called a whore and people told their kids they couldn’t play with me anymore. It was the first time I felt how powerful ostracising a human being can be.

When I was raped at 16 and committed the crime of telling someone, it happened again, my supportive foster family said: “No one wants you around their kids and You can’t blame them Shannon”.

I walked away that evening and felt living in bushes and bathing in bathroom sinks was preferable to living with those people.

Speaking about sexual abuse makes people squirm in their seats and look away as if they are ashamed of me, that I would be so uncouth as to bring such a subject up.

When I was sexually harassed at work and EVERYONE around me witnessed it … I found a notice in my box at work stating Sexual harassment was ONLY if your boss did it, and when I was unable to function and return to work and applied for unemployment, no one knew what I was talking about and it was denied.

When I did have a boss that went out of his way to make me uncomfortable, people witnessed it and started whispering that I was trying to get him fired and took his side. I never asked that anyone be disciplined, only that we have a meeting and explain how devastating it can be and how easy it is to remedy.

Had anyone turned to him and said “that is not appropriate in the workplace” I would have felt supported and safe. Instead, I became almost totally incapacitated by it. WHY do we still have a problem with this idea when so much is known about the devastation it causes?

Keep talking. Don’t ever let them shame us into being quiet again! The damage it does is much too great to allow people to believe they are not just as guilty when they look the other way.


25 06 2018

Warning the comments on thi post are potentially triggerering.

So many people seem to disagree with my interpretation of the “Me Too” movement that I am wondering about whether or not I really get it. I do believe that it’s a conversation that’s worth having.

To me “Me too” really isn’t about the “high powered offenders” that get away with this… it’s about the fact that as a society whenever this occurs we shame the victim into silence, we turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to what has occurred and allow the number of victims to be endlessly racked up AND IT’S WRONG!

It’s about the fact that because we are embarrassed about the subject that we never say it out loud and continue to let those doing it believe that it is acceptable behavior. That this is something people admire about them…that they “get away with it.”

With the big names and multitudes who have added their stories, we have dramatic public evidence of it, that PROVE THAT POINT. It happens every minute in a thousand ways by thousands of people who don’t stop, and all it takes to stop it is for everyone who knows it’s happening to SAY THIS IS WRONG!

“ME too” is about NOT backing down in shame… “ME TOO” is about GOOD PEOPLE having the guts to stand up to people that they may otherwise respect and care about and say “what your doing is unacceptable behavior.”

I believe that it’s about the fact that our complicity with it, allows it to keep happening and that WE TOO have been let off the hook for this behavior and NOW is the time to step up and change that!

If you have a different take on this subject please share it. If you have a personal experience that needs to be brought out into the light please add your voice to ours. We need to keep having this conversation.

The family is the single most important influence in our lives.

12 06 2018

All throughout our lives, we will need to depend on others to protect us and provide for our needs. The Family unit is the most dependable way we have of securing that in our society.

“Family” is a support system that stabilizes our ability to provide for our own needs. To have a Family means you have security; people who you can count on who share your problems, but it also means mutual responsibility for the welfare of all the others in that group.

From their first moments of life, children depend on parents and family to protect them and provide for their needs, but we will never outgrow our need for family. By linking our survival with the survival of others, we best ensure that our needs are always taken care of.

A family is a contract made with imperfect people. Sometimes we fail to fulfill our part of the bargain, but it doesn’t negate the contract. Our strength as a family unit is that we are bound by that contract as a whole. When someone drops the ball on their obligations, someone else picks it up.

Everyone in our family unit has at one time or another contributed to my own health and welfare and I am equally bound to each and everyone in our group to do whatever I am capable of, to contribute to theirs.

Growing up Bob and I were very aware of the fragile nature of our “family”. The family we had just passed us off to someone else, and this new family bailed in their obligation to us, just as the old one had. We, in turn, built our own family’s and are both proud to claim and enjoy the benefits of what we have built.

I chose long ago to add members of both of the family’s of our origin, to the family I built for myself. Giving myself a larger family base gave me more strength and stability, and everyone who knows me, KNOWS I NEEDED IT. For whatever reasons, for a good part of my life, I have been dependent on others to step up and help me and my children, and they have. I have reaped the benefits of belonging to the family I built.

Those I am closest to, know that I am about to expand my family again by marrying Kevin. I am so happy that everyone has embraced him so fully and have grown to love him as I do. Recently I made another decision and asked the family to step forward with that same level of support, and am finding that my support system is faltering in its ability to give that to me.

Almost 12 years ago, our original mother took responsibility for twins that were not at all blood related to our family. I long ago made her and those children a part of my “family”. For all the members of this family who have chosen not to add ALL the members of MY FAMILY to their own, I honor that decision. There is no judgment in me for that.

Now she and those children NEED someone to step up. It is true that none of us are in the perfect situation to do so. Their needs are overwhelming.

For some time now the only person close enough to help, has been already way overburdened by their own circumstances and commitments. We have allowed her to take this on while all of us have been waiting and watching hoping beyond hope that the situation would conclude without anyone else needing to be inconvenienced.

Kevin and I are in agreement that by bringing Mom and the kids here we might be endangering what we have here, so I have chosen to go there. We have put our marriage and our life on hold while we look closer at the situation. No other decisions have been made, except this one.

We love and are committed to each other and we are asking that you continue to support us as a family unit as we go through this.

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