Panic Attack…

17 03 2014

I was in traffic when it hit.  It felt like something physical… tremors in my heart and an ever growing physical discomfort till I couldn’t breathe.  It felt like it came from outside of me and I didn’t have control over my reaction.  That made it grow.  The feeling that every thing was fine and for no reason that I could control, suddenly NOT FINE, added a terror and a grief that easily overwhelmed me. 

I globalized it.  Worried that I shouldn’t be driving anymore.  Shouldn’t go anywhere alone.  That I couldn’t be trusted.  That at any moment that feeling could hit again and I could get THAT out of control frighted me.

That afternoon was shot.  I raved like a loon to people who cared.  They held my hand and wanted to take away the fear and that did.  Then when I calmed down, I pulled apart what happened.  

What started it?   What was I thinking?  Where did I feed into and help myself lose control?  Where could I take some control if it happened again?  From there came a plan.  Not a perfect formula to follow but tools added to try next time.  

Comfort is taken from the recognition that no matter how I felt, the feeling did pass.  First tool is time.  Recognize that it is a waiting game and I can do this.  I have done it.  Bleed off time.  Ignore the changes in my body.  The pounding in my chest, the changes in how much air I feel I get.  They didn’t really harm me.  I got enough air.  I didn’t pass out … nothing really bad happened.

Something about Harry Potter… That scene where the class takes the scary thing and makes it funny.  Try to find something humorous.  Break the grip fear had.  Tools for the next time.

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