Tell me how to put the Merry back in my Christmas…

26 12 2013

I know that I once loved the holidays.  Now I am dragging myself through them.  I’m surrounded by people who love me and yet still feel isolated and alone.  I want to be happy but all I can muster is some anger over not living up to my own beliefs.  Just one more reason to hate myself and hate even more having to be alive.

I want to give from my heart to those I love but find nothing in there.  What does a person have left to give when even a request for pets from her sweet kitty is met with gritted teeth.

Crazy animal knows when I am needy.  She knows when I am ill.  I begrudging pet and put her down again and again wanting only to be left alone.  She knows this is the last thing I need and jumps back into my lap and curls up purring.

Funny cat.  When I feel my worst she refuses to leave me.  Her heart pressed against mine.

May you all have some kitty to love you this Christmas.


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