27 11 2013

I ran away.  That day I left, 3-3-’75  still being remembered and celebrated as my independance day.   Thus began my life of recurring homelessness.   In those years, even after being raped 4 times while on the streets, I still believed it to have been the better option than staying in the home that had been provided for me.

I only tell you these things to let you know that as a 16 year old girl, this was how I survived, without selling drugs or becoming a prostitute.  Even when I got a job I could only pay a night or two in a cheap hotel on the small amount I earned working part time at fast food.

Most most nights I would hang out with other young people who lived in Hollywood.  We would kill a lot of hours back then by going to the bars before 8pm because they didn’t start carding anyone till then and we would stay till they closed around 2:30 am.

After that you just had to keep moving.  People would leave you alone if they thought you were going somewhere. Staying in one place wasn’t an really an option till I found that the bushes alongside the off-ramp to the Hollywood Bowl were thick enough to provide shelter.  Not comfort, or warmth but a place to sit where I wouldn’t be bothered.

Often I would hitch hike somewhere just to be inside, warm and comfortable in a car for a while.  Most often people who picked me up would buy me something to eat.  Most days I would be out early and walk to the restroom of a gas station near by.  After washing my clothing in the sink, I would wash my hair and body with soap from their dispenser and put my clothing back on wet.  Most days I would walk from there to the North Hollywood Library.  I was usually dry by the time I got to the park near by where I would wait for the library to open and provide safe sanctuary for me to sleep.

The librarian kept a watchful eye on me while I rested but never asked me to leave.   There were no fences or spikes to keep me from places that provided me with a place to sit and have some measure of safety in the night.  No one stopped me from using the bathroom in 1975.  I thought the world a hard place then and yet so much harder now.

It was a mistake!

25 11 2013

It’s almost my moms birthday.  I have been looking over my old post trying to find some to send my mother to share the bond I feel with her one more time, and I found this. It was originally posted on  Jul 4, 2012 .  One of my first posts here and long ago lost in all I have written.

I had to post it again.  I don’t know that anyone but me would find it funny but it’s always worth sharing a laugh.   More than that it’s a wave at an old friend.  You are loved and missed and I am so sure you know that, as I can see you active in the lives of your baby girls.   Hugs and smooches my friend.

with love,

Sincerely, SB


I tried to bury the household pet turtle and it kicked off a late night of lying on the bed with our feet kicked up like school girls having a sleep over; chatting and laughing.  It was a mistake that my sister-in-law thought that she would never have made!

To start with the water smelled funny and had a suspicious film on it that I hadn’t seen before. Then I fed him twice and he hadn’t even lifted his head. In our family, I am the one that takes care of those kind of things so I went out back and dug him a hole.

I picked up the bowl and headed out, and it wasn’t until I had poured out almost all the water that he suddenly sprang to life!  And to think we were that close to having room for a cat!

Valerie has decided that we have to restrict his T.V. time due to the fact that he has either watched to many Geico commercials and was beginning to immitate the oppossum or we foiled a planned escape using the methods that he had learned watching finding Nemo.  Either way she was sure that the T.V. was a bad influence on him.

As long as we were on the subject of death and dying, (and if you think that’s a tad morbid you don’t know my sister-in-law) we spent awhile laughing over the coffin that she had picked out.  It was Purple!   She “found one much cheeper at Cosco but she couldn’t get it in the color she wanted” so we’re going to get it and completely cover it in faux purple gems and right across the face of it we’re putting Live, Love and Laugh.  Like her it will be an original!

Valerie fights hard for every moment she has here and is giving me lessons close up and hands on that it’s not really what happens to us, but our attitude about it that determines our level of happiness in this life.  Over that, we have complete control.

You have to find the roses; the thorns will always find you.

It’s been a while…

24 11 2013

since I have been on here writing on a regular basis.  I have been working on another project and finally launched it.

I have a couple of insights that have come from this.  One is that if your going to do something big…Don’t tell anyone.  I have the most supportive family in the world but even they can say and do things that deter me from following through on things I truly feel are important.

Months back I wanted to bicycle across the country, and not doing it has me angry with myself.  I am still determined to do it only now I think that I will just jump out there and go when I am ready without any announcement or fanfare.  I don’t see them now: how would they know?

The other is don’t get discouraged when you work for months on an idea and then get it all together and launch it and no one notices.  Really!  A million people have already figured out that launching a business on the web doesn’t mean anyone will find you.

I have been on here for over a year and before I disappeared totally I had a little following but they came one or two at a time.  It takes time and work, so here I am devoting 18-20 hours a day to it.  Just when I begin to feel exhausted another thought of something I can do or need to do comes and I have to take care of it.  Thoughts escape unnoticed by anyone if you don’t capture them somehow.

Anyway I’m back.  Thank you for being here.

sincerely, SB

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