Who is to blame?

26 06 2013

This a repeated theme in my life lately and I am finding that people who have been traumatized are often not capable of figuring it out.  I am wondering what is the best way to help them process what happens so that this blanket of blame and guilt doesn’t impede their progress.

Also this whole process of assigning blame seems to be counter productive to me.  First off the first person EVERYONE wants to blame … including the victim themselves is often the victim.  That only compounds the damage from what has happened to them.

There is definitely a feeling that someone has to pay for what has been done … When a crime has been committed isn’t that the goal?  Look around lately and I am not sure getting the perpetrator off the street so that our streets are safe is even a possible outcome anymore.

We have to find a better way of dealing with crime.  What we do isn’t working.   What if we when ever you did something wrong we posted your picture on a community web page with the crimes you committed… so people knew to keep an eye on you.  Everyone everywhere would be responsible for keeping you honest instead of a prison system.

Really wasn’t this how we kept people in line before?  We all knew each other … EVERYONE knew everything about everyone and shamed them into behaving.

I would say yes but that wouldn’t work anymore.

When it did work we KNEW each other.  We knew everything…the good and the bad.  Yes you knew Toby stole, but we also knew it was because his parents were drunk all the time and ignored the fact that he was hungry.

We would make you really uncomfortable for a while … but all in all we basically would forgive you and let you go on living without the constant reminder that you screwed up, eventually.

Every human in the community you lived in really decided for themselves how long they would remember…and if it seemed too extreme there would always be those who would stand with you and keep you from bearing the weight of it alone.

We don’t know each other any more.  How do we resolve things now?

Maybe we should focus more on the positive and shine more light there.  When people do something good why doesn’t that make the news where others can acknowledge it openly?  Maybe that would encourage others to do something good as well.  Maybe just maybe this could change people’s programmed negativity.  It would make this world a bit brighter and easier to live in.

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