8 03 2013

I hate being in this place of not doing!  I have a to do list a mile long and when I chip one thing off it that is a good day anymore.  I don’t paint or craft or clean or do any productive thing.  Before I was feeling lousy because I didn’t exercise.  Now bathing and brushing my teeth are on the list of things I can’t make myself do.

Hours and hours of wasted nothing.  The things I can’t seem to do are things that would help pull me out of this.  Is this grief?  Maybe if I could label it … and understand I could work it through.  Instead it feels like I am just frozen unable to move forward.  I hate this and I hate me for doing it.  I am useless, of no value to anyone, wasting what is precious and irretrievable.  I know better.  I KNOW BETTER.  Do Better!  Do something even if its wrong!



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