Birthdays and other observations…

11 11 2012

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Somewhere in between Halloween and Thanksgiving is my Birthday so when the season arrives to tell us were wrapping up another year, I wrap up another one of mine.

When this year started we thought my sister-in-law was in her last days and the fact that she has been blessed with another year has defiantly effected my perception of my own as I am the recipient of her good humor and strength, but with so much grief and stress going on in the lives of those I love, I find it hard to consider this a “GOOD YEAR”.

It’s funny but as often as I return here with the feeling that I’m coming home, part of me always feels my home is there with them.  If home is where your heart is, then my home is 6,000 miles wide and has to include Hawaii and both coasts because there is at least a half a dozen places that I feel needed and very much want to be.

I just ran an errand and when I was coming back passed a young girl on a horse, and several kids on their bicycles and realized that I was smiling and felt safe coming home here.  There were a lot of years that I couldn’t say that.  I used to laugh and say we were so po that we couldn’t afford the “re”…meaning of course the kind of poor that wasn’t just broke but illiterate as well.  I have come a long way, even just this year, from being that person.

My life now is so much different then I ever imagined it could be.   For most of my early life and into adulthood we lived in places where I couldn’t escape fear and that has a lot to do with the kind of person you become.  I have spent a lot of years distancing myself from that life.

I feel good about that struggle.  It is one that was hard-fought not just for myself but for my children as well.  Everyone of them is an adult and living in a far better place then we spent their early years.  They don’t live in that fear anymore, but every one of them is living with challenges and pain and their lives are stressful.

With a world that big, there will be sadness going on every day somewhere in it, so just how do you decide if your life is good?  You have to make that circle smaller.

If my assessment of this year stays small enough to reflect only my own growth, it’s been a very good year.  I feel strong and capable and happy with who I am.  In this way every year just gets better and better, and with Gods blessing, I find myself looking forward to a few more.

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One response

13 11 2012
manningtreearchive

Great post. Appreciate your frankness in it. 🙂

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