Dating and other suicidal tenancies…

15 08 2012

Have you ever computer dated?  You write a witty ad.  Put up a pic and wait for someone to show interest and see where that goes.  This is the equivalent of cutting behavior, without the fear that anyone will see the scars!

By sheer numbers alone it should make it easier to find someone to be with.  And for me it worked pretty well twice.  If you count answering someone else’s ad, three times but while I have met and shared really wonderful times with wonderful people … I really haven’t found what I’m looking for and now I am back to not looking.

I have a good life.  Real friends, close family, and more than enough going on to never get bored.  That should be enough.  Well that and my Battery operated boyfriend, which by the way I was too chicken shit to take on the plane and left in California!

It was for that reason I went on a ‘meet and greet’ yesterday, if you can call it that.  I would like to explain GREET: Give a polite word or sign of welcome or recognition to (someone) on meeting.

He had been insisting on meeting me and asked me to meet him for just one kiss while I was out, and I requested the meet and greet at Mc Donald’s instead.  I asked him to think about letting some sexual tension build between us first as it might change the outcome of that kiss.

When he first made that request I freaked and deleted my OKCupid account.  I realized instantly that while I am lonely, I am just not ready to meet someone.  Since I had started this by opening the account and inviting the exchange I felt the need to follow it through.

In one way it made sense.  Really!  I spent months in a relationship with someone thinking we were really compatible, but while I liked them immensely it just didn’t work out between us.   I really did wonder if love was just a chemical reaction and either we have it with someone or we don’t?

I have felt it when I first met someone but I don’t have enough experience to know if it’s something that will also come with time.   Why not let a kiss be the answer?  Why waste the time when we’re really not getting any younger?  Maybe it is as good a way as any to start a relationship.

When I got there I saw only young kids in the front of the restaurant so I bought my soda and walked around to the back and he waved from across the room … didn’t stand … looked disappointed … stared at his watch… asked when I had to leave.   I said an hour and a half and he looked at his watch again then and said “I have to take the truck back to my friend pretty soon”.

At this I couldn’t help but smile up at him with my biggest smile like I just didn’t get the clue.  We both sat there across the table from each other in awkward silence where part of me was reluctant to let him off the hook till I tired of torturing him, made an excuse to leave the restaurant with a ‘will call you’ and drove off.

I want to know how guys can instantly decide in that 16th of a second that you are not worth their time, like it is all on the line the moment you meet. I have met guys that said they were 5’10” and showed up 2″ shorter than my 5’7″ and still gave them the courtesy of looking for some kind of connection.

He was not the first to do so but he was by far the rudest.  I am not used to being treated like that, but I am grateful.  This site keeps calling to me like that shiny piece of glass used to when I was young.  I don’t know why I feel the need to do it, but again I feel that pain and know it was just what I needed at the time.

Thank you, It was very nice meeting you Mike.  Hopefully I won’t need to do that again for a while.

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