12 08 2012

According to the dictionary “home” is a place of residence or refuge.  When we got out of the hospital and came back here, to this house that belongs to my brother and his wife … this felt like coming home.  For me “Home” has no physical location, instead, home is an emotional state of comfort.  Very little here belongs to me and yet I feel welcome and wrapped in love.  For me THAT is home.

Years ago I traveled with the Rainbows.  We would drive for hours past the Highways and paved roads to get to the secluded places they chose to camp; the trails often littered with cars that couldn’t survive the hard terrain, only to arrive and truly feel that I was home.  When you came into camp there were always people waiting to welcome you with hugs, food and hand made gifts, who truly seemed to want you there.  I liked taking shifts of cooking and welcoming people so that everyone was blessed with that feeling.

Many times in my past places that sheltered me and my belongings that should have been home were scary and threatening.  They provided no comfort.  I shared them with people that I couldn’t count on.  At times I felt so uncomfortable being alone that just being safe wasn’t enough to make where I stayed my home, even after years of living there.

I have moved a lot in my life and that feeling of being home was very rare when I was younger.  My experience was one of not being wanted, loved, or safe, almost everywhere I went.  If I came close to it, others in control moved me and snatched it away, almost as soon as I realized I could feel it.  

When I grew up and had the ability to choose for myself I settled for what I was used to and when it wasn’t there went about recreating it.  I don’t understand why I would choose to do that; only that I did.

I am very blessed that there were those that did make me feel wanted and for a time I did experience this feeling and what it felt like gave me something to aim for and I am getting better at recreating it in my life. 

I am getting to know so many people on here that WordPress has also become my home.  Your presents in my life has enhanced and blessed me in ways I couldn’t imagine when I signed up just a month ago.  Thank you for making this too my home.




One response

16 08 2012

I have lived in places which we’re in no way my own but like you mention it is the feeling of home that shelters us.

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